I was going to call this post ‘Lunatic Socially Invasive Religious Priority Checklst’ but decided to go with ‘Kamikaze Kart.’  I tend to over-elaborate my titles. 

Witnessed this yesterday at Trader Joe’s, had to laugh - Conan O’Brien couldn’t have written this better. 

1. Dress outrageously fabulous for your intense voyage to Trader Joe’s grocery store.  Versace Glasses, Dooney & Bourke handbag, heels, white pants, voluminous hair, some trendy boutique blouse, lots and lots of jewelry.  It’s sunny out and the jewelry sparkles can take some of the focus off your face.    
2. Identify target group of 5 older gentlemen who are minding their own business, and seem to be enjoying the conversation they’re currently having amongst each other.
3. Walk directly into their group, interrupt them and rave how ‘Jesus is alive!  Buddha and Mohamed are in the grave! Praise Jesus!’  Make men uncomfortable at your religious rant, and your fabulous-ness.
4. Neglect the empty shopping cart you carelessly, half-a$$ed left on the sidewalk in order to ‘intercept’ these guys.  
5. Be oblivious to the fact that said shopping cart, through those pesky earth forces ‘inertia’ and ‘gravity’ has now rolled sideways, and is gaining speed as it barrels towards a younger man walking with a cane.
6. Continue religious rant as you stroll away in your Manolo Blahniks, and miss the real Jesus miracle in action - saving the disabled guy from your Kamikaze Cart.

A person’s belief system is their own business, but for god’s sake, or Buddha’s sake or Kermit the Frog’s sake, while we’re spending our time in this pesky flesh/physical form, keep your head up and pay attention to the things happening around you - or at least have a camera crew ready.  I’m no religious expert, but I think the higher ups would have scored ‘not scaring the disabled guy’ higher than ‘Interrupt people and force your views upon them.’ 

Your world is not the same as my world, nor is it the same as xyz’s world - but collectively they all need to groove to the same beat, run under the same enterpsrise cluster, or mix well with the Kool-Aid.  I don’t know the higher ups, but I’m sure they’d feel the same way. 

Now… 

WATCH OUT FOR THAT CART!
–D